Lily
by PaulineMail
Summary: Katniss is about to give birth to her first child. Sequel of "Breakdown", even though it's not necessary to have read it beforehand. Oneshot.


**Hi. I have finally found time to write this oneshot. If you haven't read my three previous stories, you should. They are the prequels of this story. If you have read them, thanks you for keeping following my updates. I hope you will like this one. **

**Please review. It always makes my happy to read what you think about my stories. **

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><p><strong>1p.m.<strong>

"Mom ?"

"Yes Katniss ?"

"How do you call it when a pregnant woman is losing some white liquid between her legs ?"

"You mean when the water breaks ?"

"Yes, that's that. Well my water just broke."

My mother looks up at me, her fork still in her mouth. She slowly lowers her hand and says, her mouth full of potatoes :

"Are you serious ?"

As soon as I nod, my mother stands up right so fast that the chair is knocked over. In an instant she is next to me :

"We need to go to the hospital," she tells me with the same calming tone she always uses when she speaks to a patient. But instead of calming me down, it scares me. _I don't want to be a patient !_ "Can you walk ?"

I try to stand up. My right arm is wrapped around my belly. My mother takes my left hand to help me. As soon as I'm on my feet, an excruciating pain runs through my body. A contraction. I know it shouldn't last, so I clench my teeth together and wait for it to end. After a minute, the pain fades away and I can feel my face relaxing. My mother is looking at me with concern :

"I'm going to call Haymitch. He could carry you if it's needed."

She doesn't wait for me to answer. Without her holding me, I'm afraid to stay up right alone. It's probably a stupid thing to be afraid of. Nevertheless I drag myself into the living room and fall onto the couch. My mother comes back and tells me :

"Haymitch doesn't answer his phone. I have to go and get him."

"No, no, no. You can't leave me here alone !" I panic.

She sits next to me, takes my face between her hands and says :

"Don't worry Katniss. I'll be back in 2 minutes. You shouldn't have another contraction until then."

"What if the baby is coming while you're away ?" My breathing is speeding up.

My mother smiles at me, clearly amused by my ignorance : "It won't happen so fast. Giving birth takes time. You only have had one contraction since your water broke Don't worry."

I'm left alone. I try to concentrate on my breathing. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. I can't panic like that ! I have prepared myself for this day. The day when my daughter will come. The day I will be giving birth.

_The day I will be giving birth. That day is today ! I can't do that ! This is crazy ! I can't have a baby ! I'm not ready ! _

I have done many scary things in my life. I have survived two Hunger Games. I have leaded a revolution. But it was only about _me_. I was risking _my_ life. I was taking the decisions for _myself_. It's one thing to be responsible for its own action. It's a totally different thing to have to be responsible for the life of another human being.

_I was responsible for Prim…_

My thoughts are interrupted by my mother and Haymitch entering the room. They must see the panic in my eyes because Haymitch says :

"Freaking out Sweetheart ?"

When I answer, I'm talking to my mother :

"I can't do that !" My voice is shaking. "I can't have a baby."

"Should have thought about it earlier," replies Haymitch.

My mother ignores him and takes back her place next to me on the couch.

"Listen to me. I know how scary it is. So here what you are going to do : don't think about the while picture. Look just at the fragments of it. We are going to do it piece by piece. First, you're going to get up and put on your shoes. Where are they ?"

I take a deep breath and repeats in my head : _just the fragments. Piece by piece._

"In my bedroom," I manage to articulate.

Without a word, Haymitch leaves the room and comes back a minute later with my shoes. My mother takes them and helps me put them on. With my big belly, my arms don't reach my feet anymore.

Then I have to get up. I'm afraid to have another contraction, but nothing happens.

"What's the next step ?" I ask my mother.

"To go to the hospital.

I close my eyes and take another deep breath in an attempt to push away the panic growing inside me. Finally I able to open my eyes again and to mutter "ok". I put one of my arms around my mother's shoulders and we are slowly walking toward the door when Haymitch, who has been surprisingly these last minutes, asks :

"Does Peeta meet us at the hospital ?"

I stop walking. _Dammit Peeta._

"Don't tell me if you have forgotten to call him !" Haymitch says.

"I'm sorry but right now I'm trying to get around with the idea that the next hours are going to be extremely painful for me," I cry out, mad at him. But in reality, I'm mad at myself. _How could I have forgotten Peeta ? _

Haymitch snorts and goes to the phone. While my mother and I start walking again, I hear him say :

"Hi. Katniss is about to push a human being out of her vagina. Wanna see ?"

When he comes back, I'm about to tell him what a jerk he can be when another contraction paralyzes me. My arm fall off my mother's shoulders and wraps around my belly. I can feel my womb contracting itself and becoming very hard. It seems to last longer than the previous contraction. Maybe it's just an impression. I don't know.

"13 minutes", I hear my mother says.

"What ?" I mutter.

"13 minutes between your two contractions. It's a good sign."

I'm able to walk again and we get out of the house. Haymitch is leading and it's quickly obvious that I'm not walking fast enough for him. We haven't even left the limits of the former Victors' Village when he turns around and says :

"I should carry you. Unless you want to deliver your baby on the road."

Before I can answer, I find myself in his arms. It feels awkward to be physically so close to him. However I have to admit that it's a relief for me not to have to walk anymore.

We don't have to walk much longer before we catch sight of Peeta running in our direction. He stops right in front of us :

"How do you feel ?" he asks me breathless.

"I'm fine," I lie. Well I can't tell him how scared I am.

He puts his arms under me, next to Haymitch's and soon, I'm in Peeta's arms. It feels much more comfortable.

**3p.m.**

Dr Grant says everything is fine. The baby is in the right position. However the dilatation is quite slow and so it can take a few more hours before labor actually begins.

**6p.m.**

The contractions are more and more regular and intense. I will never have sex again.

**11p.m.**

"It's been 10 hours !"

"I know," Peeta simply answers.

A nurse has given me some morphine and the contractions are less painful now. She said I needed to sleep. But even though I'm exhausted, I can't. My mind is too busy.

"Maybe it's a sign," I breathe.

"What do you mean ?"

I don't answer right away. These thoughts have been haunting me for almost 5 hours and I'm afraid to say them aloud. Instead I look down at my hands. From the corner of my eye, I see Peeta stand up from his chair and come seat on my bed.

"Katniss, look at me." I obey. "What do you mean ?"

I sigh and the words rush out of my mouth : "Maybe it was a mistake. I have gotten pregnant way too soon. We are too young. We should have taken our time. I'm not ready for that. Not after what happened to Prim. I mean, I was responsible for her and she is dead. I have failed to protect her. So how could I be responsible for a baby ? For _our_ baby ?"

To my surprise, Peeta smiles : "I was wondering when you would let that out." I frown and he continues : "I know you Katniss. I knew you had that in mind for some time now. I didn't say anything because it had to come from you."

As he speaks, he lies down next to me. With his hands, he slowly strokes my hair.

"When we were at school," he whispers, "I often ran late to take my shift at the bakery after the end of class. You know why ? Because I wanted to see you with Prim. I remember that you always waited for her next to the front door of the school. She skipped along in your direction and as soon as she was by your side, she started talking. And as soon as she was by your side, you became a different person. I could see you transform into a more open person, you would smile and joke with her. It was that Katniss I wanted desperately to know."

I still can't believe how much aware of me he was back then.

"I'm telling you that because I want you to realize you didn't fail with Prim. She was probably the most cheerful, joyful girl of all District 12, despite her hard living conditions and the loss of her father. And it was because of you. Not only because you brought her food and all that, but because you were the one who raised her, who took care of her, who was her sister."

I feel a tear rolling down my cheek. Peeta's thump wipes it away as he says :

"So now that you know what a stalker I have been, I'll understand if you run away from me."

His attempt to cheer me up works – I laugh : "Well right now, I don't think my feet would drag me very far. So I'm going to stay a little longer."

Peeta smiles and softly kisses me on the lips. When he pulls away, he whispers :

"Try to sleep now."

I want to tell him that despite what he has just said, Prim is still dead. That I hadn't been able to protect her. But I have to admit that his little speech has calmed me down a bit. And finally, I can feel sleep creeping in inside me.

**3a.m.**

"I know that it's difficult for you but there's not much I can do right now," Dr Grant tells me. "We need to wait for your cervix to be fully dilated."

"And how long is it going to take ?" I groan.

"Probably two more hours," she answers me, looking down at her papers. My aggressiveness seems to frighten her a little. _Good !_ She needs to understand what her patients feel.

Once she has left the room, I start pacing in the room again. I have been walking around the hospital bedroom for one hour now, since a nurse told me it could quicken labor. I'm surprise the floor hasn't sagged under my numerous steps.

Only Peeta has stayed with me. My mother and Haymitch must be asleep somewhere in the hospital. _How lucky they are._ I'm exhausted. The contractions are back and they are more painful than ever. I can't stand it anymore.

"I want this baby out !" I cry out.

"I know," Peeta says.

I don't know why, but these two little words triggered my rage :

"You know ? No, you don't know anything ! Several times in my life I thought I was about to die but at least it was quick ! Right now I feel like I have been dying for 14 damn hours. This baby hates me and wants to make me suffer !"

"You're only saying that because you are exhausted," Peeta tries to calm me down.

"No, no, no. I'm serious. I have never wanted to have children and I'm sure our daughter knows it. And now she wants to make me understand that it's too late to change my mind. That she is here and she's going to make my life hell."

"Come on Katniss, you're being ridiculous." Peeta is losing patience, worn down by fatigue and my irrationality. "We both know you want to have this baby."

I know that my anger toward him and our daughter is unfair but I don't care and I'm now yelling :

"_You_ are the one who wanted to have children. But _I_'m the one who have to go through labor. _You_ just have to sit there and wait. That's unfair !"

"I'm the one who have had to bear you and your accusation for more than an hour. I'm tired of this !"

"You are tired ? Are you kidding me ? All you had to do was to get me pregnant. Then I have been the one who had to carrying a growing baby inside me, to have morning sickness, to stop hunting, not to be even able to put my shoes on ! You had have nothing to do ! And you haven't even taken your responsibilities !"

"What ?" Peeta screams. "I have taken my responsibilities !"

"No, you didn't even propose to me !"

I can't believe I have said that. I don't know where it comes from. Maybe I have thought about once. Or twice. But I have never blamed Peeta for not proposing to me.

After our violent and stupid quarrel, the silence in the room is eerie. Peeta is frowning, startled by my revelation.

"You expected me to propose to you ?" he finally asks, in a weak voice.

"No," I mumble.

"Do you want me to propose to you ?" Peeta says, taking a step toward me.

"No," I repeat.

"I thought about it but I supposed you wouldn't want me to."

"Well I didn't want to have children either and look at me," I whisper, looking down at the womb.

"Katniss ?"

I look up and Peeta is standing right in front of me.

"Yes ?"

"Do you want to marry me ?"

Without thinking about it, I answer : "Yes."

And as I say the word, I realize how much I wanted him to ask me this question. A big smile spreads on Peeta's face and I'm pretty sure it's the reflection of my own face. Peeta breaks the distance between us and kisses me passionately. My arms are around his neck and I hold him as tight as my big belly allows it.

**5a.m.**

I have lost track of time. I'm not in my bedroom anymore. I'm in bright white room. My legs are held high and Dr Grant is hiding behind them. Peeta is standing next to me, holding tight my hand. Or maybe _I_'m holding tight his hand.

But all of that is secondary. All I'm aware of is the nurse repeating "breathe in and push" again and again.

It's only when I hear a powerful first cry that I come back to reality.

**6a.m.**

"She is so beautiful" my mother whispers.

She stands at one side of the cradle. Haymitch is next to her and he seems to be unable to look away from the little thing inside the miniscule bed. Peeta sits at the edge of the bed in which I'm lying down, one hand in mine and the other in the cradle. And in the middle of this crowd lies my daughter. She is already the center of our little strange family.

"How are you going to name her ?" my mother asks without tearing her gaze away from her grand-daughter.

Peeta smiles at me and answers : "We haven't find a name yet."

"Actually," I say, "I have a suggestion."

Peeta and my mother look at me while Haymitch is still mesmerized by the baby.

"I don't know why but during labor, a song came back in my mind," I explain. "It was one that dad used to sing to Prim when she couldn't sleep. And there were these two lines that I loved because I thought they fit so well for Prim." I can't help myself but start humming : "'you see, it's not the wings that makes the angel' and 'cause you're the best paint life ever made.'"

I look into Peeta's eyes and say : "The song is about a girl named Lily."

He opens his mouth to say something but it's Haymitch's voice that is heard for the first time since I have pushed my baby out into the world :

"Lily. It's a lovely name for an angel."

**8a.m.**

I know that I should sleep, just like Peeta next to me. His torso is against my back and one of his arms surrounds me. I can feel his steady breathing on my neck. But I'm afraid to close my eyes. I feel like that if I do, my daughter could disappear. So instead, I start singing to her :

_Lili, take another walk out of your fake world  
>Please put all the drugs out of your hand<br>You'll see that you can breathe without not back up  
>Some much stuff you got to understand<br>_

_For every step in any walk  
>Any town of any thought<br>I'll be your guide  
><em>

_For every street of any scene  
>Any place you've never been<br>I'll be your guide_

Lili, you know there's still a place for people like us  
>The same blood runs in every hand<br>You see it's not the wings that makes the angel  
>Just have to move the bats out of your head<p>

_For every step in any walk  
>Any town of any thought<br>I'll be your guide  
><em>

_For every street of any scene  
>Any place you've never been<br>I'll be your guide  
><em>

_Lili ,easy as a kiss we'll find an answer  
>Put all your fears back in the shade<br>Don't become a ghost without no color  
>Cause you're the best paint life ever made<em>

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><p><strong>If you want to listen to the song on Youtube, its title is "U-turn (Lili)" by Aaron, a French male duet. It's a really beautiful song.<strong>

**See ya!**_  
><em>


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